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Special issue : Handfasting
Considerations when planning a Handfasting in Ontario or Quebec
BY Michelle Hrynyk
The practice of Wicca and rituals of Handfastings have changed a lot since my introduction to the faith 24 years ago. With time, I have found more variety in the rites and a flare of personal touches in the pagan ceremonies, along with the integration of elements of Handfastings in some more mainstream ceremonies. I personally enjoy people having the right to craft their own Handfasting or marriage, integrating the traditions of their faith with the customs and values of the couple. In this article, I would like to share some things that a couple who are getting Handfasted might want to think about, along with highlights of some of the Handfastings I have performed.
When I think of Handfastings, I think of marriage. There is little or no difference between the two in my mind, other than that the couple gets to figure out whether they want their Handfasting ceremony to be legally binding or not. I personally love that we belong to a faith in which we have the freedom to decide and we are not obligated to stand on one side of the fence or the other.
Many of my earlier Handfastings involved gay and lesbian couples. Since the marriage laws in Canada have been changed, I'm performing more and more legalized weddings between gay and lesbian couples from both Canada and the United States. What a wonderful country we live in that our government can realize and recognize that love and relationship can take many different forms outside of the traditional heterosexual model.
The marriage laws of Ontario and Quebec are different and, I think, must be considered by any couple thinking about being legally Handfasted. In Ontario, a couple can be married by any person who is registered as authorized to solemnize marriages in the Province of Ontario. In layman's terms, this means someone who is a Priest, Reverend, Minister or Rabbi of a recognized church or temple in the Province of Ontario. There are a handful of Ordained Ministers and Reverends in Ontario who are well-versed in Handfasting ceremonies and adept at performing them. The group I am most familiar with can be found through www.ottawaweddings.ca.
In Ontario, there are no laws that I am aware of concerning where a wedding must be held. For instance, if you want to be legally Handfasted at your family cottage or in the grove where you practice your rites, there would be no problem as long as the person officiating the ceremony can get there and is willing to go. When my husband and I were married last summer, we chose to hold the rite in the fields behind his adoptive parents' home. The place was sacred to him, and absolutely beautiful. In the north, at the edge of our circle, there were two large oaks that grew together. At their bases, in their shade, our parents sat, wise and beautiful. I have a picture of them and the sight of them together there, on that day, is one of my fondest memories.
It is my understanding that in Quebec a couple can only marry in a recognized religious institution or at a Quebec Court House by an officiant authorized by the Directeur de l'état civil. There are a few exceptions to this law and they can be found here. However for the purposes of this article I would state that people wanting to be Handfasted in Quebec would have problems with having it be a legally recognized event. (See editor's note at end of article.)
But there is nothing stopping Quebec couples from being Handfasted in Ontario and having their reception in Quebec. Another way some couples are choosing to work around this law is by having a simple, legal ceremony and then a larger Handfasting in a place of their choice that is celebrated by their community or group of friends.
If you want to be legally Handfasted by a friend, or a member of local priesthood who is not authorized to solemnize marriages, there is a way to do this. You could arrange for the legal aspect to be covered by someone who is authorized, while the bulk of the ceremony is carried out by the person of your choice.
So, there are a variety of ways to be legally Handfasted. The choice is yours.
If you want to be Handfasted but do not want the ceremony to be legally binding, you can have anyone you choose do the ceremony, as long as they are okay with it too.
There are many different traditions out there and many different ways of approaching Handfasting rites. One of the things you want to look for is a ritual that feels comfortable and right for the two of you. I have found some couples who want to write the ceremony and then look for priesthood that would be willing to perform it. There are a few different Handfasting rituals on the Internet and I'm sure, as time continues, there will be more and more. I have put a couple of my favourite Handfasting ceremonies on my Web site www.michellehrynyk.com. Feel free to use the rites 'as is' or borrow whatever pieces call to you.
What you choose to include in your rite may be affected by who you will have attending your ceremony. I remember doing a Handfasting for two mature women. One of the women was Jewish, so we wanted to incorporate something from her faith. We also wanted to include their children in the rite. At the beginning of the ceremony, their children brought the couple into the centre of the circle and then held the chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy). It was really beautiful and fitting for the couple and for their families.
Incidentally, I am booked to perform the wedding of one of the women's daughters next summer. It feels so nice to be involved in people's families inter-generationally. I think this is part of what makes us a strong and viable community.
When Mark and I were married, I wanted to be mindful of the blending of our own religious paths and the fact that we were bringing three families together. We began the ceremony by having all the young girls from Mark's birth family, his adopted family, and my family prepare the space by casting the circle with sacred herbs and rose petals. The kids had a wonderful time, and they knew they held a place of honour in our ceremony. While the kids worked together, the parents had an opportunity to meet and talk. The kids were great at breaking the ice so our three families could get to know each other better. It was fun and challenging to integrate aspects of Wiccan spiritual beliefs with Ojibwe culture. To help people less knowledgeable about these faiths follow what we were doing, we created a program that explained the parts of the ceremony and their significance. I think this is a worthwhile practice for anyone having a Handfasting where the majority of the guests might not be pagan or Wiccan.
It is quite popular among some Wiccan and pagan groups to have a Handfasting with a medieval theme. I have found many of these ceremonies to be visually very pretty and wonderfully romantic no matter what time of year they are held. I remember doing a Handfasting for a young couple from out west who appeared quite new to the faith. I had the groom cast the circle in rose petals before the ceremony began, walking it through with him and encouraging him to be aware of the love he was feeling for his bride, the love of his family and hers, and the love of those who had come to witness the rite. The circle was strong and there was a special type of magic in the air. At the end of the ceremony, many people who had never seen a Handfasting before came up to me saying that this was one of the most romantic weddings they had ever witnessed.
After consecrating the couple's rings at smaller Handfastings, I have sometimes sent the rings around the circle to be blessed by each of the people who have come to witness the rites. By encouraging the guests to share their blessings for the couple being wed, we can bring a new level of intimacy and interconnectedness to a rite.
One of the things I love about Handfastings is how people can become involved in the process rather than just watching it unfold. I really enjoy watching the couple's friends doing the quarter purifications. I also enjoy listening to the love and support as everyone joins voices to sing together.
Whether big and fanciful or intimate and simple, a Handfasting is a rite of passage to be honoured, and treated with the respect and dignity that you and your beloved deserve. Take your time to figure out what your values are and how you want to make the ceremony your own. Don't be afraid to ask questions or to get help in creating something that speaks to you about what love, your relationship and your faith mean to you both. And most of all, enjoy yourselves and enjoy the love that you have created and that you will continue to nourish and nurture in your lives together.
Michelle has been performing rites of passages including Handfastings, weddings, joinings, wiccanings and funeral rites for the past 15 years. She lives in Ottawa with her husband and two daughters.
Editor's Note: Part of the Quebec Civil Code pertaining to marriage was amended in 2004. I'm not sure if this is part of the amendment, but the Quebec government website now states that a couple may ask to have someone special to them temporarily designated as a marriage or civil union officiant. The couple and the intended officiant must complete the form "Request for the Designation of an Officiant of a Marriage or Civil Union" and send it to the Direction des services judiciaires of the Ministère de la Justice, preferably three to four months before the date of the ceremony.
http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/celebrant-a.htm#solemnize
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